Laws of the

Law of Cat Inertia ~~ A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force--such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse or Texas-size waterbug.

Law of Cat Motion ~~ A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism  ~~ All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics ~~ Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching ~~ A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping ~~ All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people as is possible for the cat.

Law of Cat Elongation ~~ A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

Law of Cat Acceleration ~~ A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until she gets good and ready to stop.

("Hypercat"...one of the first animations JC provided for CDH's website)

Law of Dinner Table Attendance ~~ Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

Law of Rug Configuration ~~ No rug may remain in it's naturally flat state for very long.

Law of Obedience Resistance ~~ A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

First Law of Energy Conservation ~~ Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

Second Law of Energy Conservation ~~ Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

Law of Refrigerator Observation ~~ If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

Law of Electric Blanket Attraction ~~ Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

Law of Random Comfort Seeking ~~ A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

Law of Bag or Box Occupancy ~~ All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

Law of Cat Embarrassment ~~ A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

Law of Milk Consumption ~~ A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you she can.

Law of Furniture Replacement ~~ A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

Law of Cat Landing ~~ A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

Law of Fluid Displacement ~~ A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

Law of Cat Disinterest ~~ A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest her.

Law of Pill Rejection ~~ Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

Law of Cat Composition ~~ A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.