Late Breaking News !!!

The 2000 Election...Four Years Later

Click on candidate of your choice

CLASSIFIED ADS

  One Fat Lady to sing in Florida.

P.S. I think she did it!

Is this stress,
or what?
Al Gore on
Dec. 8, 2000 after 2 early court losses, and one Florida Supreme Court victory.

No. 2 ~ Looking for you . . .
I feel your pain.

All you have to do is send an e-mail, stating 1 or 2, and the results will be tallied from time to time.....

here you are

Latest Numbers:
82% chose No. 1
12% chose No. 2
6% STILL didn't know how to vote.......

.

A view of Clinton everyone knows,

but hasn't been able to articulate,   until now.......

The Clinton Statue Proposal

(Don't forget... he said he's no longer the Pres, but to quote him: "I'm still here."

We wonder where they'll get the extra wood

Bill Clinton Statue Committee

Dear to whom it may concern,

We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for raising five million dollars for the placing of a statue of Bill Clinton in the hall of fame in Washington, D.C.

This Committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue. It was not wise to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, nor beside Jesse Jackson, who never told the truth, since Bill Clinton could never tell the difference.

We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest
democrat of all. He left not knowing where he was going, did not know where he was, he returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on borrowed money.

Over 5,000 years ago, Moses said to the Children of Israel, "Pick up your   shovels, mount your arses and camels, I will lead you to the Promised land." Nearly 5,000 years later, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your arses, and light up a camel, this is the Promised land."

Now Bill Clinton is going to steal your shovels, kick your arses, raise the price of camels, and mortgage the Promised land. If you are one of the fortunate people who has anything left after paying taxes, we expect a generous contribution to this worthwhile project.

Fraternally,

Bill Clinton Statue Committee

 

Hello, my fellow Murricans. I come before you tonight (oh, wait, that’s not what I said). I Meant to say I stand before you tonight (oh, darn, it’s so hard to say the right thing). I am here before you tonight to report on the State of the Onion.

Nobody really believes me anymore, but I’m gonna tell you about it anyway, heh heh heh.

The onion is in good shape as we speak. Well, it depends on your definition of "good". Definitions are SO hard (oh, darn) I mean difficult to come by these days. First of all there was this fellow who thinks he’s a Starr, when we all know he’s really just going into orbit over a silly little peccadillo of mine (if you don’t believe me, just ask Hillary). And then there’s this man in the four-stripe bathrobe who’s gonna keep all them Triers (they’re NOT jurors … heh heh heh) in order, and what they will be doing is Trying to CYA with the voters while reaching down (good phrases are so hard to find) into their psyches to do justice to this pore lil boy from Arkansas.

But I digress (depending on your definition of but). As for the Onion, "how sweet it is"… everyone thinks the Onion is in such good shape, they really don’t care what Farmer Bill is doing behind the barn. But isn’t it in great shape? I think so, and you know you’re gonna believe ME. As we look at the roundness of the Onion, and we peel off (!!) additional layers, we find it’s pretty much the same all the way in.

The main thingy, my fellow Murricans, is not to peel too much, as this could lead to the bitter parts of the Onion, and then we could go months and months of getting off (er, stalling) and telling people about the real purpose of the Onion:

It’s to replace the Peach. And you can be sure I didn’t like the last Peach that was given to me in December. But that’s alright, as I was able to Compartmentalize the Peach in the same skillful way I do everything else, and them popularity poles just keep rising.

So, my fellow Murricans, ask not what you can do for your intern-al needs, ask what you can do for your Onion. You know I’m right, and I have Hillary’s permission to say so.

Thank you, and good night (depending on your definition).

Jan. 18, 1999

~~~~~~30~~~~~~