Speshul page on Speling

and

The Importance of Punctuation

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Language Translation
Have you ever wished for a translation of pages and words? Here's your sign.
 

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Life is like a box of chocolates...

Forest Gump's favorite phrase "Life is like a box of chocolates" has entered the language as a way of explaining that one never knows what the next experience will be. It's no wonder the screenwriter chose food imagery to convey his philosophy.

 

Food peppers everyday speech to such an extent that it's practically unavoidable. We fish for compliments, beef about injustice, butter up the powers that be, and ham it up to get a laugh. A pretty woman's a hot tomato, a brainy student's an egghead, a muscled he-man is beefcake, and a coward is just plain chicken. We table discussions, tap sources, cook up new ideas, pull down menus on our computer screens, and offer recipes for success. We toast the bride and groom, roast our fellows at honorific dinners, cajole people who are slow as molasses to wake up and smell the coffee, act cool as a cucumber when we get caught with our hands in the cookie jar, and turn beet red when we are obliged to eat our words.

 

Dollars to donuts you can bet that this week's selection of terms is by no means the whole enchilada. -Edythe Preet (epreet@cox.net)

 

English Word Reading

 

SO, YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE TOUGH

ENOUGH TO TRY TO LEARN ENGLISH?

 

This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. It was passed on by a linguist, original author unknown. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.

 

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

 

 1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

 2) The farm was used to produce produce.

 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

 4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

 

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

 

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

 

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

 

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

 

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

 

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. Does that make it a crawl? That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are

invisible.

 

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick?"

 

Czech for "How Are You?

VISIT THE OLD WEST'S MOST FAMOUS NEWSPAPER

"Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?" ~~Contributed by Antares from Magick River, quoting Stephen Wright, who also offers: "So what's the speed of dark?"

"The conditions of the Solitary Bird Are Three:
First, that it flies to the highest point;
that it does not suffer for company, even of its own kind;
and third, that it sings very softly."

-- St. John of the Cross

 

Watch for new links coming soon

20 Very Short Books 

1)  A Guide to Arab Democracies
2)  A Journey through the Mind of Dennis Rodman
3)  Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean
4)  Career Opportunities for History Majors
5)  Contraception by Pope John Paul II
6)  Detroit - A Travel Guide
7)  Different Ways to Spell "Bob"
8)  Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches
9)  Easy UNIX
10) Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance
11) Everything Men Know About Women
12) French Hospitality
13) Bob Dole: The Wild Years
14) How to Sustain a Musical Career by Art Garfunkel
15) Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette
16) Mormon Divorce Lawyers
17) One Hundred and One Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA
18) Popular Lawyers
19) Staple Your Way to Success
20) Tasty Bile Recipes

 

 

And then there are some "new books" with interesting authors ~

"A Sheriff Speaks" by Hang Em Hi   "A Deputy Speaks" by I. Bactum Up "How to Write Large Books" by Warren Peace  "The Lion Attacked" by Claude Yarmoff  "The Art of Archery" by Beau N. Arrow    "Irish Heart Surgery" by Angie O'Plasty  "Desert Crossing" by I. Rhoda Camel  "School Truancy" by Marcus Absent  "I Was a Cloakroom Attendant" by Mahatma Coate  "I Lost My Balance" by Eileen Dover and Phil Down  "Mystery in the Barnyard" by Hu Flung Dung  "Positive Reinforcement" by Wade Ago  "Shhh!" by Danielle Soloud  "The Philippine Post Office" by Imelda Letter  "Things to Do at a Party" by Bob Frapples  "Stop Arguing" by Xavier Breath  "Raising Mosquitos" by I. Itch  "Mountain Climbing" by Hugo First

Visually impaired and blind persons use these dot structures in order to read simple things sighted persons take for granted. You've seen them on elevators next to the floor numbers and in various other places. Here's the "code". . .  

NOW, I have an interesting observation and a question to go with it..... recently I had occasion to use a Drive-Up Teller at a local bank, and next to pertinent spaces on the selection board were the above raised dots. Think about it. Guess what my question is...... oh, ok...... "What need is there for a person driving up to such a site to use the Dot system?" I've had one answer already....that it is for persons who Walk up to the window. Yet, I cannot really see how they could do that..... it's not in an accessible "walk area." Just a thought. Comments? Send me an

Now that we have THAT out of our system, here's some links of interesting uses of words. But never fear, The Wordsmith will be offering his own thoughts and writings in future updates of this page . . .

SCRIBBLES ~ A site from Alys Thorpe of New Zealand. Take a while and browse through this new adventure!

1st International Collection of TONGUE TWISTERS ~ According to the Oxford English Dictionary, they are a sequence of words, often alliterative, difficult to articulate quickly. 860 entries in 49 languages.

Saying THANKS in other languages.

Welcome to the world of REVERSE SPEECH  -- you'll be surprised at what you see and hear -- very contemporary.

An ANAGRAM  server. Words made by transposing the letters of another group of words. For example: "The Wordsmith" can be transposed to literally stir up the letters to read "Who'd stir them".

And, just to get you started, here's a few examples:

WELSH ~ Translate Welsh to English and English to Welsh at this site

LATIN ~ Latin-English dictionary. Also links to helpful sites.

SMILEYS ~ You know them (some call them Emoticons) . . . they are the little messages where you get a crick in your neck trying to "read" them. ;-) or :-/ or even [:*{) . . . This site is Helwig's Smiley Dictionary, coming to you from Vienna, Austria.

Gaelic alphabets & scriptures, collection of links.

We've made some efforts at what might be called "horizontal smileys". You've seen a few on other pages of this site. Most of them work best with a sans serif type face:

=^..^=~~ in case you can't see it, a cat.

~v~ a bird, eagle, whatever.

(*¿*) requires using Spanish   language characters on your keyboard.

(+¿+) requires less sleep than the line just above.

If you have others please send them toThe Wordsmith. We'll consider the best ones and give you credit, or blame, as the case may warrant.

The pen has been inked times

Latest Revise: March 10, 2005